Inviting Partnership at home - Without the Blame
- Sandi Konta
- Mar 21
- 4 min read
Are you your family's "person?"
Do you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and frustrated by the unequal distribution of labor at home?
When you try to talk to your partner about doing more at home does it end badly?
Do you end up avoiding the conversation and feeling your resentment grow?
If so, you're not alone.
The good news? Change is possible.
This post is the heart of what I talk about in my workshop Inviting Partnership at Home - Without the Blame. More about that below.
What's causing the pain: Societal Conditioning
The Unfair Expectations Placed on Women
For centuries, women have been expected to:
Be selfless
Handle everything alone
Avoid causing discomfort
Sacrifice themselves for their family
Maintain a perfect home, appearance, and work-life balance
Feel solely responsible for the home and parenting responsibilities
The list goes on...
This "good girl conditioning" makes it hard for women to ask for help, set boundaries, or feel justified in sharing responsibilities.
The Unspoken Pressures on Men
Men have been conditioned to:
Be providers and ideal workers
Work hard without complaint
Remain stoic and unemotional
Avoid tasks seen as "women’s work"
Focus their energy outside the home
The list goes on...
Your culture, your family of origin, your community, school, movies, church - it all plays into how you see your on responsibilities, how you see your partner, and how you interact with each other.
It's deep. And, it can be painful to excavate...but once you can see how you've been conditioned, you can unlearn it and create something new.
You can change the trajectory for your children and future generations...one conversation at a time.
You two against patriarchy (not each other)
Shifting the Blame to the Real Culprit
The fight isn't against each other, it's against a system that - in the name of power and profit - has disconnected you from your own humanity and each other. The capitalist patriarchy has set you BOTH up for failure.
One conversation at a time, you chart a new course. You can create a family life, and a relationship, that reflects your values - not societal expectations. You can unlearn this conditioning and create something new, and beautiful.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes in how you communicate
Set Up Regular Check-Ins
Instead of waiting for conflict to arise or avoiding conversations about chores altogether, schedule dedicated check-ins:
Keep them short – 15 to 30 minutes is enough.
Choose a time when energy is high – Avoid late-night discussions.
Make it fun – Turn it into a date night or add a reward.
Commit to regular communication – Consistency is key.
Put it on the calendar - Make it a priority.
This is a time to talk about re-balancing the chore load but it also a time to truly check in. Ask your partner what their excited about in the upcoming week? Where do they need support? How can you connect during the week? How can you create space for each other to do things that make you feel human?
COMMIT TO DOING IT DIFFERENTLY
When discussing household tasks with your partner, try the following approach:
Talk when everyone is calm – Avoid discussing chores during stressful moments.
Leave blame and scorekeeping out of it – Focus on solutions, not past grievances.
Lead with curiosity and humor – A little lightheartedness can go a long way.
Compromise – Does it matter if it’s done your way, or just that it’s done?
Choose connection over overwhelm – Small changes are more sustainable than drastic ones.
Throw some grace, patience, and humor into the mix and you'll set yourself up for success!
You Have More Power Than You Think
Even if your partner isn’t ready to make big changes, you can start taking action today by:
Actively unlearning good girl conditioning
Learning to sit with the discomfort of doing something new and different
Practicing disappointing others when you choose your needs over their's
Lowering expectations of yourself
Saying no to extra responsibilities
Dropping things off your to-do list
Prioritize rest and free time
Take it one small step at a time. Even noticing when you could have said no or done less is a win. Awareness is the first step!
Ready for More Support?
Change takes time, but you don’t have to do it alone
Sign up for the workshop
Join me live for:
Inviting Partnership at Home - Without the Blame Workshop
Friday, May 8
11:30 AM - 1 PM ET
✨Free✨
If you are unable to attend live, watch the recording!
Let's dive in together...
Ask questions.
Find community in others going through the same thing. (I've been there too!)
GET 1-1 PerSONALIZED Coaching
Ready to take radical responsibility for your life?
I'll support you, cheer you on, and hold you accountable as you reconnect with what really matters to you, lessen your overwhelm, and invite more partnership at home.
You deserve a life that feels like YOU, not your to-do list.
Let's connect. We'll learn about each other and see if we're a good fit. No pressure, only connection.
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